Wedding Bells
by mrs.labyrinth
Summary: Harry defeats Voldemort in his 7th year, but the death toll was unbelievably high. In order to remedy this, the esteemed Minister Fudge decides to assign spouses for breeding purposes. SS/SB, RL/NT, HP/LL, and others. Warning: Slash and Mpreg
1. Author's Note

AN: Don't worry; my other story hasn't been abandoned. However, it probably won't be updated until this summer, aka when classes are over. Same goes for this story. But you lucky readers get to benefit from me not studying for my exam tomorrow. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: If I owned the Harry Potter world, I wouldn't be in college.

Detailed Summary: It's the summer after Harry's 7th year and Voldemort has been defeated. However, the war has damaged the population of wizards in Britain in what could be a permanent way. In order to ensure their survival, Fudge decrees that everyone over the age of 17 must get married to someone of the Ministry's choosing, stay married for at least five years, and have at least one child of both genders. Sirius is assigned Severus Snape as a spouse.

AN2: Yes, I am currently obsessed with SSSB pairings, arranged marriages, and mpreg. That's probably because there aren't a lot of good ones out there though. And I consider this to be a way more productive obsession than my one with Judas Priest.


	2. Chapter 1

Warning: Dark thoughts, suicidal tendencies, and homosexuality.

Wedding Bells: Chapter One

_Replacing Soul Mates with Ministry-Sanctioned Marriages_

_By Rita Skeeter_

_It was one month ago today that He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, now called Tom Riddle, was defeated during a battle at Hogsmeade. Although this war was short-lived it has brought about many casualties; so many casualties that Minister Fudge has deemed it appropriate to force people to marry and reproduce as quickly as possible. According to the Minister, "this law may seem archaic and inhumane, but our numbers are dwindling and we will be wiped out if we don't act fast. I sign this bill with the future of wizarding Britain in mind."_

_Is this new law indeed what is best? Only time will tell. Until then everyone over the age of seventeen will continue to be assigned spouses based on top-secret methods conducted in the Department of Mysteries. _

_Little information has been released about the upcoming mandated nuptials. But this reporter will use all means available to find out what is no doubt on all of your minds, especially since I too will be forced to wed under this new law. It is known, however, that those already engaged or married need not worry about the Ministry interfering with their personal lives. The first batch of 'marriage assignments' as they are now being called will go out sometime in the next week. The second batch, if there shall be one, will be sent out by the end of the summer. More details on this topic on page A8._

"Are you kidding me?" Sirius Black shrieked from his place at the Grimmauld Place breakfast table. He slammed the paper down with both hands, causing some of his tea to spill over his cup's rim.

"What?" Harry asked from across the table. "Did they write another article about me?"

"Worse," Sirius spat, "you'll have to read it yourself. It's too painful to even talk about." With that, the thirty-nine year old recently exonerated man stood up and left the room, leaving his godson and best friend to ponder over his reaction.

The past few years hadn't been kind to Sirius. He had escaped from Azkaban, a feat thought to be impossible, almost four years ago only to spend months hiding out in caves eating nothing but rat carcasses. And just when he thought that was all over, the bastard Peter Pettigrew-who was now, thankfully, dead due to a wizard's debt to Harry-escaped, taking his only chance at freedom with him. So Sirius had spent another year on the lam, after which Voldemort's, now commonly called Tom Riddle, rebirth caused him to seek refuge in his dead mother's house.

Good things had happened though. He had gotten his best friend back after a thirteen year absence, Peter's death had provided the proof of his innocence, his godson was now rightfully in his custody, and after a year and a half of extensive cleaning Grimmauld Place was now habitable to humans. But no matter how hard he tried, Sirius couldn't seem to focus on how much better his life was now than it was while he was in Azkaban. Instead, he thought about how much worse his life had gotten since he graduated Hogwarts.

And now there was the marriage doctrine. Would the ministry even take into account that he was gay? There was simply no way he could marry a woman, much less have any sort of intercourse with her. If they paired him with a woman he would—

Sirius stopped his thoughts there. He had been thinking about suicide a lot lately. There wasn't anything wrong with that though, it was common enough in times of war. Lily often made such references when talking about something bad happening to Harry. Although Sirius couldn't really consider ending his life on account of Harry or any other person he often thought about just, well, to put it simply, ending it.

It wasn't like there was any purpose to his continued existence. The war was over; he no longer needed to lurk about in his animagus form gathering information, although he had rarely done that anyway. Harry had graduated Hogwarts and would soon be starting Auror academy, just as James and he had done all those years ago. The boy didn't need him now, just as he had never needed him in the past. Harry was a pretty independent seventeen year old. Sirius assumed that came from having the weight of the war on your shoulders. And although he would never say so out loud, Sirius envied Harry's burden. What he wouldn't give at the moment to have some sort of purpose in his life….

Most people facing their children's growth would celebrate and get back to the friends they had abandoned when they first became parents. Sirius, although Harry had never really been his, didn't even have that option. Remus and he had grown apart, and Remus would soon be starting his own new life anyway. Tonks, Sirius's second cousin and Remus's fiancé, seemed to have replaced the Marauders in Remus's heart, just as Sirius now realized Lily had for James. Remus would never admit to it though, because he was just too nice a person. The Remus Sirius had gone to school with wouldn't have hesitated to tell the ugly truth to a friend.

That left Sirius alone. He was completely friendless and had no future planned. There was no prophecy about him to give him an idea of what the future might hold. He supposed the auror department would welcome him with open arms, but he hardly wanted to go back to the very department that had arrested him in the first place. No, there was no need for him to stick around.

But still, there was this marriage law. Maybe some good could come out of it. Sirius supposed he could wait until he found out who he had been assigned to marry. It could miraculously end up being his soul-mate after all.

AN: OK, don't kill me for a short chapter. This would have been longer, but I thought that there was enough for you guys to process there. But, just to placate you, I'm off to write the next installment (and not study for my chemistry test).-e letters, tch, if there shall be one, will be sent out b


	3. Chapter 2

Wedding Bells: Chapter Two

It had been two days since the _Daily Prophet_ announcement about 'Ministry-sanctioned' marriages. Sirius had not yet gotten a letter from the newly formed Office of Assigned Marriages, but he had gotten himself convinced that it was all a hoax despite the fact that Charlie Weasley had been set up with Angelina Johnson. Now though, he sat at the dining table staring at the red envelope in his hands. Harry had been in the room when it had arrived, and after what seemed like five minutes of Sirius staring off into space he had left to get Remus. The two had crowded around him, but a wave of his hand got them to move to the other side of the table. It didn't stop them from leaning forward as far as possible though.

"It has a Ministry seal on it," Harry remarked. Sirius couldn't stop the glare directed towards his godson, who was now the epitome of what muggles would call 'Captain Obvious.'

"Don't mind him Harry," Remus said, "he's suffering from a near-anxiety attack."

_Gee, thanks buddy,_ Sirius thought_. It's nice to know you can pay attention to someone other than your fiancé long enough to get involved in something that is none of your business._ He immediately felt bad about it though, thanks to the damned guilt complex that had recently snaked its way into his mind, so he shot a quick apologetic look across the table and then returned his gaze to the letter in his hands.

"Well, hurry up!" Harry urged him.

"I'm sorry," Sirius retorted, "does this have your future written on the inside? No? Then you'd better let me open it whenever I damn well please!"

"Sirius calm down!" Remus shouted. "I'll be the first to admit this situation isn't ideal to say the least. Nevertheless, you have to open the envelope before you freak out. Who knows, it might be your secret crush's name in there."

"I don't have a secret crush," he replied bitterly. "Moony, what if they want me to be with a _woman_?"

"I'm sure they considered that when they made the assignments."

"But-"

"You'll never know until you open it."

Sirius glared at Remus; for although he sucked as a long-term friend he sure was good at logic. With a sigh and shaking hands Sirius started reaching for the letter opener, then changed his mind and ripped the envelope open with a jagged fingernail. "Here goes nothing," he muttered.

_Dear __Sirius Orion Black__,_

_On behalf of the entire Ministry of Magic, we would like to congratulate you on your upcoming nuptials. Our Department of Mysteries has, after extensive trials, discovered your match to be a __Mr. Severus Lucas Snape__. If you know __Mr. Snape__ we urge you to contact him immediately; otherwise, you may meet him at the Ministry in the Office of Assigned Marriages this Friday at three o'clock in the afternoon._

_A wedding planner will be provided to you, free of charge, in order to make this wedding memorable to both of you. Please note that you are expected to marry within a year of receiving this notice. You are also expected to have at least two children, a boy and a girl who both possess magic._

_Failure to comply by these rules will result in your excommunication from the wizarding world. If you have any questions or concerns feel free to make an appointment with the Office of Assigned Marriages._

_Have a nice day, and again, congratulations!_

_Sincerely,_

_Barry Weisenberg  
>Head of the Office of Assigned Marriages<em>

"No," Sirius muttered softly after he had scanned the whole parchment. "No," he said again slightly louder. "No, No, No, NO, NO, NO!" he finally shouted. He kept shouting the word, with the parchment now crumpled up in his fist, while stalking the length of the room and eventually slamming his head against the nearest wall.

"Sirius?" Harry asked; he appeared to be confused and slightly scared of the man before him.

"That's me," the man replied sarcastically. "Sirius Orion Black, Heir to the Black family fortune, also known as Padfoot, recipient of the Order of Merlin second class, and fiancé to a Severus Snape."

"What!" Harry shouted. "That has to be a mistake. You can go talk to them and get this all sorted out."

"I highly doubt that," Sirius said mutedly. _So much for hope for the future_.

"You're a war hero," Harry stressed, "that has to count for something. Besides, I highly doubt Snape will agree to this. They can't make you get married if you both don't want to, right? They'll just give you someone else to marry."

"I doubt that too," Sirius responded. "Remus, what do you think?"

"I think you should go talk to Severus."

"So we can get our stories straight and appeal to the Ministry together! Right, good thinking Moony."

"No," Remus said firmly, "so you can actually get to know him. With all this chaos going on there's no way the Ministry is going to reassign two people. Plus, I think the two of you would make great friends if you just stopped fighting for two seconds. Severus is actually a really great guy."

"Then why don't you marry him?"

"What are you, six?" Remus snorted. "And I'm not the homosexual one here, remember?"

"Semantics," Sirius replied. "And it takes more to loyalty to Dumbledore—who is now dead and can't stop him from murdering me by the way—to make a guy 'great.'"

"Have you ever just had a conversation with him, one that didn't involve shouting or insults?"

"No, but neither have you."

"But I actually pay attention to my surroundings. Severus was always really popular with the Slytherins and Ravenclaws our age. He actually reminds me of you."

"The two of us have nothing in common," Sirius said, stressing the 'nothing.'

"That's right, you don't anymore," Remus remarked sadly. "Harry, will you go upstairs for a few minutes?" The boy looked as if he were about to argue, but a pleading look from Remus sent him out the door. "You've buried him," Remus said, after making sure Harry's footsteps could be heard overhead.

"What?" Sirius said. This was not the time for Remus to start talking gibberish.

"The real Sirius Black," Remus explained. "You used to be spontaneous and loyal to those you loved; hell, you used to show love as well as emotions. Before you got out of Azkaban, and even right after you escaped, you were the most interesting person I had ever come across. You listened to all the cool music, read all the popular books, and you even took the time to learn about things like art and languages even if it meant getting a zero on homework. What happened to that Sirius?"

"It's a little early in the day to be getting into sentimental crap isn't it?"

"Sirius—"

"No—I don't want to hear it. I'm off to the Ministry to complain about this farce. You'd better be back to normal when I return." With that, Sirius strode off to his room, getting a glimpse of Harry's retreating figure as he approached the top of the stairs.

He quickly threw on the first pair of robes he found and dug up some floo powder, not giving Remus's words a second thought. After all, if growing up was a crime he shouldn't be the only one getting convicted. Remus had changed too, and even more drastically. He was no longer the goody-two shoes he had been as a teen, afraid of having relationships and making friends. And James had changed earlier than they had, the day he started dating Lily, to become a studious, rule-abiding figurehead.

Sirius threw the powder into his personal fireplace—having the master bedroom did have its perks, although sleeping in the same bed his parents had was a definite gross factor—and shouted out for the Office of Assigned Marriages in addition to making a mental note to buy a new bed after getting this mess sorted out.

The first thing Sirius heard when he stepped through to the other side was the sound of unimportant chatter and papers rustling. The second thing he heard was a voice he would recognize anywhere.

"Getting married is just not possible for me right now, I'm not even going to be in the country for much longer," Severus Snape was arguing with a desk clerk and what appeared to be some sort of higher power. The man had washed his hair and dropped his bat of the dungeons look, which did make him more attractive, but Sirius still didn't give him a perfect ten. _Although that ass would score at least a nine-point-five._ Sirius shook himself out of his highly inappropriate thoughts and approached the desk.

"I agree, there's no way the two of us can be married, much less inhabit the same space for an extended period of time."

Severus nearly jumped out of his skin and turned around to glare at Sirius. "Way to go Black, you've gotten us into this mess once again."

"Me! How is this my fault? How is this anyone's fault other than the Ministry's?"

"If you would have just stayed hidden—or better, chocked on a rat bone—I wouldn't have the misfortune of being your intended!"

"Well maybe you should have left the country sooner! What is that all about anyway? Were you planning on abandoning the war, but it ended sooner than you could get away?"

"Gentlemen!" The man standing behind the desk called. "Will the two of you step into my office for a minute? I'm sure we can get this all settled." Severus snorted in contempt, but followed the man anyway. Sirius waited for the man, who had still not identified himself, to act as a buffer between him and Severus.

The three entered a small office, which was much closer to a cubicle in terms of size, and waited for the stranger to sit down. Sirius sat on the nearest chair in front of the desk and Severus grabbed the other, pulling it as far away from Sirius as possible without leaving moving to the opposite side of the desk.

"Mr. Black I assume?" the man asked, to which Sirius nodded. "I am Barry Weisenberg, head of this department."

"Are you responsible for creating all the matches?" Sirius asked.

"No, the Department of Mysteries does that, as I believe is explained in the letter," Barry explained, to which Severus muttered something under his breath that seemed to indicate Sirius was illiterate, "I just send out the notifications and deal with any problems that arise."

"Well this is a pretty big problem," Sirius told him.

"How so?"

"We hate each other!" Sirius exclaimed, gesturing between himself and Severus. "This has been going on since our first year of Hogwarts, there's no way we can get married and-and have _children_ together!"

"I see," Weisenberg said, with a glimmer in his eyes that Severus did not like.

"You do?" Sirius asked hopefully.

"If you're not offended, when did the two of you 'come out?'"

"When I was twenty-one" Sirius said, at the same time as Severus replied "Fourth year."

"Aha," Weisenberg exclaimed. "There lies the problem. I used to be a relationship counselor, which is no doubt why I was appointed this position, and a lot of the homosexual couples that had known each other before they came out admitted to feelings of hate before they started dating, which is what drove them to seek therapy in the first place. When you are denying that part of yourself, you tend to have extreme feelings of disgust or hatred for the person who brings them out the most. Therefore, your hatred of each other is a result of your 'being in the closet.'"

"Which would make sense if we didn't still hate each other," Severus commented dryly.

"OK," Weisenberg said, "why is it you still hate each other?"

Sirius could not help coming up with a list of reasons. Neither could Severus from the sound of it. Amidst his comments of 'he acts like he's superior to everyone to walk the Earth' and 'he insults me and everyone I know on an hourly basis without being provoked' he heard the words 'tried to kill me in sixth year' and 'bullies others because he can't deal with his inferiority.'

"Enough" Weisenberg said, raising his hands as if to fend off an attack. "I can see that you two have a lot of issues to work through, more than most couples in your position. I know a very good couple's therapist who is still practicing, I'll get him to contact you and set up a few weekly appointments, all paid for by the Ministry of course. Other than that, there's not much I can do. I can tell you that the Department of Mysteries' selection process is very intense and there is no way the two of you would have been selected if you weren't meant to be together. Therefore you, like every other couple, must be married within the next year. And you, Mr. Snape, are forbidden to leave the country until you have been married and have produced at least one child born in the United Kingdom. Now, if that is all I have other business to attend to. Those letters don't fill themselves out you know."

Seething, Severus stood up and stalked out of the room. Sirius left the room too, neither one of them bothering to thank Weisenberg or say goodbye. As Sirius walked a few steps behind his future husband he couldn't help but notice that the man was wearing borderline muggle clothes. He had skin-tight jeans on along with boots and a shirt bought from a wizard's shop, all in black. It made for a very nice-and stylish, if he did say so himself-picture, but Sirius would not be drawn into the carnal urges he had denied since being thrown into Azkaban.

They had almost reached the fireplace when Severus spun around on his heel.

"I suppose you are going to follow me to my home too?" the man asked sarcastically.

"No need to snap at me for using the floo," Sirius retorted.

"Well excuse me for being upset," Severus said. It was a short sentence, but somehow Sirius could sense the sadness and pain underneath the evident anger. It occurred to him that the only way they could fix this situation was to work together.

"I'm upset too," Sirius said. "I know we need to make this right, but the only way we're going to do that is if we work together and act civil once in a while."

"I highly doubt you have any clue of what this sham of a marriage is costing me," Severus said in a low tone that was much more dangerous than any shout could have been. "And when did you become the voice of reason?" Severus mocked, in a slightly higher octave. "Looks like you've been taking lessons from your pet werewolf."

"Don't call him that," Sirius said in a pained tone. "Just—" he stopped. He didn't know what he wanted to say to the other man. Actually, he did know what he wanted to say; but he had no idea what he should say. He wanted to ask him what exactly this marriage was costing him, why he was leaving the country, where he was going, why they couldn't get along for just five minutes, and whether he would come to Grimmauld Place to talk about their impending doom. Instead, he took a deep breath and looked his fiancé in the eye. "I'll see you at our mandated therapy session. You know where to find me if you want to talk before then."

With that, he strode across the room to another available fireplace and flooed out as quickly as possible. The second he caught sight of his bed, he remembered that he hadn't bought a new mattress nor had he 'gotten this mess sorted out.' He found that he didn't really care anymore though, and he collapsed head first onto his bed. The next minute and a half of his life was spent screaming into a pillow.


	4. Note

Dear readers,

I'm not dead! Don't worry; this will be replaced with an update soon. I've just been incredibly busy and haven't been able to write. I haven't even been reading fanfiction these past few months. And I know have no idea what my password for this site is, but my computer apparently does so at least that is working for us.

Since I have no idea where I left off I'll just make a few announcements.

Wedding Bells is on hold until I finish A Sirius Proposal. I keep getting the two confused.

I have so many more ideas for fanfiction (some of which have already been planned out to a T) that the excitement is actually giving me heart palpitations. I'll be posting a bunch of new stories soon, but here's my golden rule: if I haven't updated A Sirius Proposal in a month I am not allowed to update anything else. I'll be updating stories based on when I originally uploaded them. So they'll all get done. And I can write fast.

Let's remember I am still in college. So there will be times when I have to put writing second. This is the only apology you'll be getting for that, since I believe my education, which will one day lead to me getting paid, should come before writing for fun. However, my classes don't seem to be keeping me that busy right now so this will hopefully not be a problem outside of midterms/finals.

Thank you so much for being patient with me. I hate having to post this letter instead of a chapter, but not communicating with my readers was driving me crazy. I'm actually working on writing right now, so you'll hear from me soon!

XXOXXO

Sincerely,


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